The Duke of Duplicity: Prince Andrew, the Spy Who Bumbled Me

Title: The Duke of Duplicity: Prince Andrew, the Spy Who Bumbled Me

By RICHIE D MOWREY for The Sassy Gazette (The Gossip You Didn’t Know You Needed)**

INTRO: A Royal Disaster Reboot

You’d think after being the crown’s most embarrassing liability since Henry VIII’s sixth wife, Prince Andrew would’ve learned to keep a low profile.

But no. Not content with being the royal family’s walking HR disaster, the Duke of York has allegedly been rubbing elbows with a suspected Chinese spy—because of course he has.

The Spy Who Met Me at Windsor

While normal people send thank-you cards or maybe a fruit basket, Prince Andrew allegedly had Yang Tengbo (aka Chris Yang) help draft birthday letters to President Xi Jinping. Because nothing says “I’m totally innocent” like getting a foreign intelligence risk to ghostwrite messages to authoritarian leaders.

Let’s recap:

• Yang Tengbo: Chinese businessman expelled from the UK in 2023 for national security concerns.

• Prince Andrew: The royal equivalent of a “Reply All” disaster.

• The Connection: Cozy chats, financial proposals, and rumors of Andrew playing international go-between with zero credentials and even less common sense.

King Charles: “Keep My Name Out Your Spy Game”

Naturally, the scandal wouldn’t be complete without dragging King Charles into the royal mess.

According to court documents, Andrew and his adviser met with Charles to pitch their grand new plan: a Eurasia Fund with ties to Yang. Buckingham Palace, in peak damage control, insisted Yang “was never discussed.” Because plausible deniability is the only thing more royal than tea and disappointment.

Pizza Alibis, Diplomatic Lies, and Sweat-Free Nonsense

Let’s not forget that this is the same Prince Andrew who:

• Claimed he couldn’t sweat

• Had a photo-defying memory of a 2001 Pizza Express outing in Woking

• Now finds himself accused of accidentally starring in a Cold War reboot

The Duke is like James Bond if Bond got lost in Duty-Free, handed state secrets to a guy in sunglasses, and called it diplomacy.

A National Security Risk in a Tux

MI5 is reportedly alarmed, and they should be. At this point, Prince Andrew is less “senior royal” and more Walking Intelligence Leak™.

If he’s not aligning with disgraced billionaires or hugging accused spies, he’s launching ill-fated financial schemes that sound like rejected Succession subplots.

Final Thoughts: Is It Too Late to Trade Him to Canada?

It’s baffling that this man still has access to email, let alone any remnants of royal status. As Britain tries to maintain its place on the global stage, Andrew is out here sending “Happy Birthday Xi!” cards and treating espionage like an MLM pitch.

So here lies the latest scandal in the Andrewverse—a story of foreign meddling, facepalming monarchs, and a Duke who thinks he’s James Bond but acts more like Mr. Bean caught in a diplomatic brothel.